


Practice Makes Perfect.

by Lanna Michaels (lannamichaels)



Series: Accidental Marriage Acquisition [1]
Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Just Married Exchange, POV Ivan Vorpatril, Podfic Available, Secret Marriage, Somewhat-Reliable Narrator, Time Period: Reign of Gregor Vorbarra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-09 14:19:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19477657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannamichaels/pseuds/Lanna%20Michaels
Summary: Ivan knew better than to accidentally marry Gregor Vorbarra. He absolutely, absolutely knew better. But that still didn't stop it from happening.





	Practice Makes Perfect.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [james](https://archiveofourown.org/users/james/gifts).



> For james for the Just Married exchange. Hope you enjoy!

1.

The thing is, Ivan knows better. He absolutely knows better. He has been drilled since the moment he was born that you never practice oaths all the way through and you _absolutely_ don't do them with your full name.

But Ivan's also the family idiot, so you cannot blame him for this. You have to blame Gregor. This is entirely Gregor's fault.

Because Gregor offered to practice with him. Because Gregor _said it back_.

Ivan probably should have realized that all the oaths Gregor makes, he has done on auto-pilot since he was four years old. That Gregor never makes any new oaths. That Gregor's days of practicing for new oaths are over. He's not like Ivan. He doesn't just forget stuff and need to study up. Gregor hasn't had to restrict an oath since before Ivan was born.

So when Ivan convinces Gregor to help him practice to be the Coach for Lady Alys's niece's wedding, because why would they honor Ivan with that choice, everyone knows Ivan is the most irresponsible cousin, this was such a bad idea, please, Gregor, help me out, and Gregor agreed, and then Ivan starts with "I, Ivan Xav Vorpatril" and ends with "with all here as witnesses", and then Gregor kicks in with the rest of it clearly without thinking anything of it, _it is not Ivan's fault_ that Miles looks from one of them to the other and says, horrified, "Ivan, I think that was legal."

2.

It can't be legal. Ivan's nineteen. He can't make marital oaths without his mother's permission. And his mother is not going to give him permission to marry Gregor and if she would, she still would have had to do it before Ivan stuck his foot into his mouth and made Gregor, obedient Gregor, Gregor who is well-trained enough he could take and give oaths while asleep, follow him down the abyss. Which she did not do.

Except Ivan's mother puts her hand over her mouth and Ivan's never seen her look so stunned. And Ivan slowly begins to get the impression that, actually, um, uh, this might have been legal. Really legal.

"As a minor, you need your mother or your liegelord's approval," says Gregor's head Imperial lawyer, who looks less stunned than Ivan's mother and a lot more disapproving. Ivan tries to remember how he's related to her. He's not sure. But it has to be someway; no one who isn't related to him ever gives him the You Have Shamed Your Entire Family Tree look as intensely as this. Ivan envisions being told that the honor of House Vorpatril requires him to divorce the Emperor.

"And My approval is assumed because I married him?" Gregor asks her. Unlike everyone else in the room, he doesn't seem too upset by this situation. Ivan wonders if Gregor thinks this is all some kind of joke that Miles decided to pull on them.

"Fortunately," Ivan's mother forbears, "divorce is--"

But Gregor raises himself up. "Thank you, Aunt Alys. But I think decisions about a divorce should be between me and my husband. I will speak with him about it first. Privately."

What? Of course Ivan wants a divorce! He didn't even want a marriage in the first place! Gregor, what are you doing?!!! Can't you see this is an impending disaster? What is going on?

3.

"Ivan, can you give me a month to make a decision?" Gregor asks him. Ivan cannot believe what he is hearing.

"Why do you need a month?" Ivan asks, tearing at his hair. "Don't tell me you _want_ to be married to me?"

Gregor looks a little discomfited. And possibly like he does want to be married to Ivan, now that it's something that's already happened to him. "I don't want to rush into anything."

Rush into anything? They rushed into a wedding! 

"But if you don't feel comfortable being married to me, we'll go out there and undo it immediately," Gregor assures him but Ivan is now looking at his face and trying to peer behind the masks Gregor always puts up whenever he feels uncomfortable and dammit, now Ivan is wondering what the hell Gregor is thinking and if Gregor has reasons to want to be married to Ivan, reasons that Ivan, as a good vassal, should probably at least hear out, if not obey. He _did_ give an oath of obedience and loyalty to the Emperor, after all. He's Vor, he keeps his word. Staying married to Gregor, at least, is a lot easier than some of the situations Miles gets him into. All Ivan has to do is nothing.

"If you want to wait a month to divorce me, okay," Ivan says. "It's not like we're telling anyone this happened. Doing it now or a month from now doesn't really matter in the long run, I guess."

Gregor looks incredibly relieved by that and Ivan doesn't know why. If he were Miles, he'd be trying to figure out why. But he's not Miles, he's Ivan. He doesn't need to know why. He just needs to know what role Gregor needs him to play. And right now, that role seems to be 'husband'.

Ivan has done a lot of stupid things for his cousins over the years. Staying married to the Emperor has the potential to be the stupidest, though. It's a good thing no one expects any better from Ivan; he'd just be endlessly disappointing them.

4.

A month turns into a year.

It wasn't on purpose or anything. Ivan had to go back to the Academy and passing classes really wasn't as easy as some of his classmates made it look. Yeah, no one would let Imperial Cousin Ivan Vorpatril flunk out of the Imperial Service Academy, but he has enough pride, not to mention shame, drilled into him that if he ranks last in his class, he'll never be able to look his mother in the eye. Someone has to be last. That someone does not have to be Ivan Vorpatril. That someone _better_ not be Ivan Vorpatril.

And while Ivan is sometimes crying over his schoolwork, Gregor's dealing with six emergencies every single day, because Gregor is the Emperor and has more important things to do than remember that he's technically still married to Ivan Vorpatril.

It's also not the easiest thing to bring up to anyone. Surely he wouldn't need to remind Gregor that they're still married? It seems a thing that Gregor would know. So Ivan must only assume that Gregor will get around to it when he gets around to it and otherwise, Ivan should just keep on doing what he's been doing. Because none of what he's been doing has anything to do with him technically still being married to the Emperor.

And if Miles snickers sometimes that Ivan is the Empress, that's just Miles having no sense of self-preservation. You'd think Miles being reminded that Gregor has the power to execute him would make him start being scared of Gregor. But, actually, no, why would you think that? Miles would never do that. Miles isn't sensible. Miles is Miles. Ivan can only watch and wonder. And swat him for calling him the Empress. But other than that, only watch and wonder.

At least Ivan's mother seems to have mostly forgotten all about it. She sometimes gives Ivan very assessing looks and Ivan does his best not to squirm or fidget or accidentally marry any other Emperors. He passes muster, albeit barely at times.

At some point, Ivan is going to have to divorce Gregor. But if it's at Gregor's pace, that's totally fine. Ivan's not interested in getting married off, so what's really wrong with spending this time legally married? It's not like he's doing anything actually-married at all.

There's nothing _wrong_ with being married, is the conclusion he comes to. But if anyone finds out he _is_ married... there's going to be a lot wrong then.

So it's a good thing no one knows.

5.

Ivan receives a hand-written letter from Gregor, signed with his personal seal. In it, he asks Ivan to go to ImpMil and provide a DNA sample.

Ivan briefly contemplates scrawling back a response asking how ImpMil doesn't already have his DNA sample, but then decides against it. Maybe it's that they need a new one from him. Maybe it's that they want it for a specific purpose. Maybe this is some kind of secret plot. It doesn't matter. Gregor is asking nicely and Ivan doesn't have any reason to say no.

So he goes to ImpMil and lets them take a sample and looks around a little, but no one there is willing to talk to him about what the Emperor told them, which is probably how it should be, security-wise, and Ivan isn't the type to be overly cowed by getting personal correspondence from the Emperor, so it's not like he's going to make a fuss about any part of this.

No, the part he makes a fuss about is when he gets sat down across from the Emperor and told that he and Gregor don't have so many overlapping genetic problems that the ImpMil scientists couldn't make a baby that doesn't have anything Gregor is concerned about in its genes. Because the only reason Gregor would divorce him is because Ivan couldn't give him a baby that wasn't plagued by the remnants of Vorish inbreeding? Ivan is Vor enough to feel insulted on behalf of his well-bred genetics. And no one raised by Aunt Cordelia should be concerned about mutations, Gregor should go and apologize to Miles immediately. Ivan feels disgruntled, probably, he admits, to cover his _actual panic_.

Because if this was Gregor's big concern about staying married to him and it's not a problem anymore, does this mean that Gregor is sure he doesn't want a divorce? Does this mean that Ivan is going to stay married to Gregor?

Is Ivan going to have to organize an _Imperial wedding_?

Ivan catches himself. No, no, no, of course not. It would be his mother organizing the Imperial wedding. She'd never let him make important decisions about Gregor's wedding, even if Ivan's personally involved in it. Ivan's not going to get any responsibility dumped on him. That won't happen. Ivan can still be free to be a Vorish wastrel idiot.

"Ivan," Gregor says seriously, leaning forward in his chair. "How would you like to stay married to me?"

As marriage proposals go, it could use some work. Good for Gregor, then, that they're already married. Ivan feels a little green, but, well, he's been married to Gregor all this time and it hasn't been a total disaster. Why not keep going? "Uh, okay," Ivan says. "I mean, yes."

**Author's Note:**

> [this post on dreamwidth](https://lannamichaels.dreamwidth.org/1058147.html); [this post on tumblr](https://lannamichaels.tumblr.com/post/186968169350/practice-makes-perfect-1800-words-by-lanna)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Practice Makes Perfect](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21922609) by [semperfiona_podfic (semperfiona)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/semperfiona/pseuds/semperfiona_podfic)




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